


My name is Therese Belivet

by Therese_Belivet_19 (Patricia_Highsmithfan)



Category: Carol (2015), The Price of Salt - Patricia Highsmith
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F, Fluff and Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-25
Updated: 2016-05-26
Packaged: 2018-06-10 16:21:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6964087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Patricia_Highsmithfan/pseuds/Therese_Belivet_19
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My name is Therese Belivet. I want to tell you my life story. I'm not originately from here...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I need to tell someone

#### I need to tell someone

Wednesday, May 25, 2016

Ok, this is my first post. I’ll try to just get it out of my chest. I hope you won’t mind my spelling mistakes. It started six months ago. I think that maybe I was a little sensitive with Christmas coming up and all that. I also think I was feeling a bit lonely. I had just broken up with Richard. Even though I was never really in love with him, I always thought someday I could be that person I was trying to be… you know… “normal”… doing “normal” things. Before you judge me, I don’t even know what normal is, ok? And it doesn’t have to do heteronormativity either. I just saw these happy couples walking around the mall, holding hands, buying each other Christmas gifts… I wanted that. Richard wanted me... 

Well, when he asked me to spend Christmas eve with his family, I couldn’t come up with an excuse, so I tried for once to tell the truth. Yes, I told him I didn’t love him and that I probably never would… it was hard. I saw in his eyes that I hurted him. I just couldn’t bare. I don’t know if I was feeling bad for him being heartbroken. Or, if I was just being selfish, not wanting to face how cruel I can actually be.

Anyway, I was taking a look at my facebook page when I saw the trailer of a movie called “Carol”. I watched the trailer once, twice, three times… I just, I couldn’t stop it! Then I started looking for other promotional videos. I saw some interviews, some behind the scenes shots. So, I started looking for the book that originated the movie. I searched for it and found out that there was a copy in the store near home, but it was already closed by that time. I struggle to sleep and wait to go there and buy it first thing in the morning. Well, I couldn’t sleep. I think I got in some kind of trance. The two characters kept popping up in my head as if I had turned on an inner cinema projector inside my mind that was playing the few scenes I watched in a loop.

I got out of bed and searched again for the book. I found the ebook in the Amazon. It said that as soon as the payment could be confirmed, the book would be available. I couldn’t breath. I downloaded the app, I waited impatiently and that was it. The 224 pages book was in my computer. I started reading it right away. 

_Therese ate nervously, with the “Welcome to Frankenberg’s” booklet propped up in front of her against a sugar container. She had read the thick booklet through last week, in the first day of training class, but she had nothing else with her to read, and in the coworkers’ cafeteria, she felt it necessary to concentrate on something._

And right there in the first page, the craziest thing happened… I just knew…

That girl was me.


	2. Don’t worry, I’m not crazy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What do you mean, ‘that girl was me?’ Are you a fictional character???” Yes!!! No!! Not exactly. I’m real! I’m for real… There is a real person typing here, right? But yes, I’m Therese Belivet. The same Therese created by Patricia Highsmith in the fifties… 
> 
> I’ll explain myself, I swear… stay with me…

#### Don’t worry, I’m not crazy

Thursday, May 26, 2016

“What do you mean, ‘that girl was me?’ Are you a fictional character???” Yes!!! No!! Not exactly. I’m real! I’m for real… There is a real person typing here, right? But yes, I’m Therese Belivet. The same Therese created by Patricia Highsmith in the fifties… 

I’ll explain myself, I swear… stay with me…

The moment I finished reading the first chapter I was absolutely sure. I was in that trance I was telling you about, half awaken, half asleep. I had spent the last six hours thinking about Therese and Carol as if my mind was trapped, unable to form new thoughts. 

After getting a couple of tea, I sat on my chair next to the window and tried hard to rationalize the whole thing. Of course it had to be just a coincidence. But it kept coming back to me…

_She knew what bothered her at the store. It was that the store intensified things that had always bothered her, as long as she could remember. It was the pointless actions, the meaningless chores that seemed to keep her from doing what she wanted to do, might have done - the sense that everyone was incommunicado with everyone else and living on an entirely wrong plane, so that the meaning, the message, the love, or whatever it was that each life contained, never could find its expression._

_And when one tried to touch a live string, looked at one with faces as masked as ever, making a remark so perfect in its banality that one could not even believe it might be subterfuge._

I’ve had those thoughts. I knew for sure. I know. Everything seemed too familiar.

I tried to list the facts. My name is Therese Belivet. Ok, it can be a coincidence… or even, I might have been named after her. Was my mother a fan? Who knows? I guess I should tell you that I never knew my mother. I was raised in an orphanage. Another coincidence? I have no recollection of my life before I reached the age of 19. I know I few things about my past, but it is as if someone had told me about it. I don’t feel that I’ve actually lived it. Was I born with 19 years old already? Was I going to be 19 forever? At that point I was already scaring myself with the thought of considering that I’m really a fictional character. 

I could go after the people I’ve connected with. It’s the connection that make us real, right? What about Richard? Was he a fictional character as well? There was a Richard in the novel… as dull as my Richard… I never truly connected with him, who am I kidding? What about Carol? Was I going to meet a Carol? When? If I really was that Therese, was I going to live everything that happens in that story?

I didn’t know any of that yet. I didn’t even know what was in the story and I was too afraid to find out.

**Author's Note:**

> What if Therese Belivet was living among us and had just found out about the book, the movie and most important - AO3 fanfics?


End file.
